Young Girl: ... and then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the
angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven,
and put the diamond in the cabbage patch, and the diamond
turned into a baby! Pugsley: Our parents are having a baby
too. Wednesday: They had sex.
Debbie: What a lady killer! Gomez: Aquitted.
[They're going swimming.] Amanda: I'll be the victim.
Wednesday: All your life.
Wednesday: I'm not perky. Amanda: Well, that's for damn
sure.
Debbie: These Addams men, where do you find them? Morticia:
It has to be damp.
Pugsley: We don't hug. Gary: Oh, you're just shy. Wednesday:
We're not shy, we're contagious.
Amanda Buckman: Why are you dressed like somebody died?
Wednesday: Wait.
Gomez: He has my father's eyes. Morticia: Gomez, take
those out of his mouth.
Gomez: Children, why do you hate the baby? Pugsley: We
don't hate him. We just wanna play with him. Wednesday: Especially
his head.
Gomez: [to Fester] You'l meet someone. Someone very special.
Someone who won't press charges.
Debbie Jellinsky: Don't I yearn? And ache? And shop? Don't
I deserve love? And jewelry?
Debbie: Would you die for me? Fester Addams: Yes. Debbie:
Promise?
[As an Indian, ad-libbing during a Thanksgiving play.] Wednesday
Addams: Wait, we can not break bread with you. You have
taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my
people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations.
Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will
sell our bracelets by the road sides, and you will play golf.
My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will
have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They
said do not trust the pilgrims. And especially do not trust
Sarah Miller. For all these reasons I have decided to scalp
you and burn your village to the ground.
Delivery Room Doctor: Would you like some anesthesia?
Morticia Addams: No, but do ask the children.
[The dancer in the cake doesn't pop out.] Gomez Addams: Was
she in the cake before you baked it? [Lurch hangs his head.]
