Steve McCrosky: This fog is getting thicker! Johnny: And Leon is getting laaaaarrrrrger!
Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital. Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it? Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.
Clarence Oveur: Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
Captain Oveur: Joey, have you ever been to a Turkish prison?
Ted Striker: I flew single engine fighters in the Air Force, but this plane has four engines. It's an entirely different kind of flying altogether. All: It's an entirely different kind of flying.
Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight? Elaine Dickinson: Well, we had a choice: steak or fish. Rumack: Yes. Yes, I remember. I had lasagna.
Joey: Hey! I know you! You're Kareem Abdul-Jabaar, you play basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers! Roger Murdock: I'm sorry, I think you have me confused with someone else, my name is Roger Murdock. Joey: You are Kareem! I've seen you play! My dad's got season tickets. Roger Murdock: I think it's time to go back to your seat, right Clarence? Oveur: No, let him stay. He's not bothering anyone. Joey: I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defense. Roger Murdock: THE HELL I DON'T! Look, I'm out there bustin' my butt EVERY NIGHT. Tell your old man to run up and down the court for forty minutes!
Elaine Dickinson: May I offer you anything to read, ma'am? Old lady: Do you have anything light? Elaine Dickinson: How about this leaflet, "Famous Jewish Sports Legends?"
[An epidemic of food poisoning is sweeping the plane.] Captain Oveur: What is it, Doctor? What's going on? Doctor Rumack: I'm not sure. I haven't seen anything like this since the Anita Bryant concert.
Hanging Lady: No wonder you're upset. She's lovely. And a darling figure. Supple, pouting breasts... firm thighs. It's a shame you two don't get along.
Ted Striker: Because of my mistake, six men didn't return from that raid. Elaine Dickinson: Seven. Lieutenant Zip died this morning.
Ted Striker: It's Lieutenant Hurwitz. Severe shell-shock. Thinks he's Ethel Merman. Ethel Merman: [singing] You'll be swell, you'll be great! Gonna have the whole world on a plate! Startin' here, startin' now! Honey, everything's comin' up roses... Ted Striker: War is hell.
Rumack: Elaine, you're a member of this crew. Can you face some unpleasant facts? Elaine Dickinson: No.
[Thinking to himself.] Ted Striker: I've got to concentrate... [his thoughts echo] concentrate... concentrate... I've got to concentrate... concentrate... concentrate... Hello?... hello... hello... Echo... echo... echo... Pinch hitting for Pedro Borbon... Manny Mota... Mota... Mota...
Johnny: Well, it's a big pretty white plane with a red stripe, curtains at the windows, wheels, and it just looks like a big Tylenol!
Rex Kramer: Striker, listen, and you listen close: flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.
McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!
[As the plane prepares to take off.] Old lady: Nervous? Ted Striker: Yes. Old lady: First time? Ted Striker: No, I've been nervous lots of times.
McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.
Roger Murdock: We have clearance Clarence. Captain Oveur: Roger, Roger. What's our vector Victor? Tower voice: Tower's radio clearance, over! Captain Oveur: That's Clarence Oveur! Oveur. Tower voice: Roger. Roger Murdock: Huh? Tower voice: Roger, over. Roger Murdock: Huh? Captain Oveur: Huh?
Elaine Dickinson: There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious. Dr. Rumack: I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.
Elaine Dickinson: You got a letter from headquarters this morning. Ted Striker: What is it? Elaine Dickinson: It's a big building where generals meet, but that's not important.
Steve McCroskey: Johnny, what can you make out of this? [Hands him the weather briefing] Johnny: This? Why, I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl -
Rumack: I'm going to tell you something I've kept to myself all of these years. I was in the war, Medical Corps. One night they brought in a badly wounded pilot from one of the raids. He looked at me and said, "Doc, the odds were against us up there, but we went in anyway. I'm glad. Captain made the right decision." The pilot's name was George Zip. Striker: George Zip said that? Rumack: Yes, he looked at me and said, "Doc," he said, "Some time, when the crew is up against it, and the breaks are beating the boys, tell 'em to get out there and give it all they've got. And win just one for the Zipper. I don't know where I'll be then Doc, he said. But I won't smell too good, that's for sure."
Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land? Clarence Oveur: I can't tell. Rumack: You can tell me. I'm a doctor. Clarence Oveur: No. I mean I'm just not sure. Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess? Clarence Oveur: Well, not for another two hours. Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?
Captain Oveur: You ever been in a cockpit before? Joey: No sir, I've never been up in a plane before. Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked?