Receptionist: How do you write women so well? Melvin
Udall: Easy. I think of a man, and I take away reason and
accountability. -
[To Dr. Bettes, Spencer's wonderful new doctor.] Carol Connelly:
Can we get you anything else? Water, coffee, couple of female
slaves?
Melvin Udall: You're a disgrace to depression.
Carol Connelly: Why can't I have a normal boyfriend? Just
a regular boyfriend, one that doesn't go nuts on me! Beverly
Connelly: Everybody wants that, dear. It doesn't exist.
Carol: Come on in, and try not to ruin everything by being
you.
Melvin: Carol the waitress, Simon the fag.
Carol: When you first entered the restaurant, I thought
you were handsome... and then, of course, you spoke.
[To a group of depressed psychiatric patients.] Melvin Udall:
What if this is as good as it gets?
Melvin Udall: I might be the only person on the face of
the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth.
I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you
are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with
Spencer, "Spence," and in every single thought that you
have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost
always mean something that's all about being straight and
good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch
them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food,
and clear their tables and never get that they just met
the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes
me feel good, about me.
Melvin Udall: Sell crazy someplace else. We're all stocked
up here.
Melvin: People who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch.
Carol: Do you want to dance? Melvin: I've been thinking
about that for a while. Carol: [standing up] Well? Melvin:
No.
