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Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)

Scott: If you've got a time machine, why don't you just go back and kill Austin Powers when he's sitting on the crapper or something? Dr. Evil: No, no, no.

Austin: Let's hop on the good foot and do the bad thing!

Fat Bastard: I eat because I'm unhappy, I'm unhappy because I eat.

Woman: Oh my god, look at that! It looks just like my husband's-- Carnival Worker: ONE-EYED MONSTER! Come see the One-eyed Monster! One Eyed Monster: Oh my god, it's a giant-- Chinese Teacher: Wang! pay attention! Wang: Sorry, sir I was distracted by that giant flying-- Fan: Woody! Woody Harrelson! Could I have your autograph?

Dr. Evil: Talk to the hand 'cause the face don't wanna hear it.

Dr. Evil: [deep voice] Austin, I'm your father Austin: Really? Dr. Evil: No, I can't back that up.

Dr. Evil: Mini-me, you complete me.

Dr. Evil: I turned the moon into something I like to call a "Death Star."

Fat Bastard: I've got more chins than a Chinese phonebook.

Dr. Evil: Talk to the hand, 'cause the face don't wanna hear it anymore. The President: What hand? Dr. Evil: You aren't all that and a bag of potato chips. The President: What are you talking about? Dr. Evil: Don't go there, girlfriend. The President: Whose girlfriend? Dr. Evil: Don't mess with me. I'm one crazy mo fo. I onced popped a cop cause he wasn't giving my props in Oak town. I've heard that somewhere.

[massaging Felicity] Austin Powers: How does that feel, baby? Felicity Shagwell: Mmm, lower. Austin Powers: [deep voice] How does that feel, baby?

Austin Danger Powers, Dr. Evil, Fat Bastard: Baby, the other-other white meat. Baby: it's what's for dinner.

[Dr. Evil sings to Mini Me, to the tune of "Just the two of us"] Austin Danger Powers, Dr. Evil, Fat Bastard: From the moment I heard Frau say I had a clone, I knew that I'd be safe cuz I'd never be alone. An evil doctor shouldn't speak aloud about his feelings, my hurt and my pain don't make me too appealing. I'd hoped Scott would look up to me, run the business of the family, head an evil empire just like his dear old dad, give him my love and the things I never had. Scott would think I was a cool guy, return the love I have, make me want to cry, be evil, but have my feelings too, change my life with Oprah and Maya Angelou. But Scott rejected me, c'est la vie, life is cruel, treats you unfairly, even so, a God there must be, Mini Me, you complete me.

Scott: Look, I was wondering if we could work all this out? You are, after all, my father. Dr Evil: Scott, you had your chance, okay? I've already had someone created in my image. He's evil, he wants to take over the world, and he fits easily into most overhead storage bins. Scott: Him? Look at him, he's crazy! He's like a vicious little Chihuahua thing. He'll kill me the first chance he gets. Dr Evil: Probably.

Austin: So, Basil, if I travel back to 1969 and I was frozen in 1967, I could go look at my frozen self. But, if I'm still frozen in 1967, how could I have been unthawed in the 90's and traveled back to the Sixties? [goes cross-eyed] Oh, no, I've gone cross-eyed. Basil: I suggest you don't worry about those things and just enjoy yourself. [to camera] And, you too.

Dr. Evil: As you know, every diabolical scheme I've hatched has been thwarted by Austin Powers. And why is that, ladies and gentlemen? Scott: Because you never kill him when you get the chance, and you're a dope?

Dr. Evil: The moon unit will be divided into two divisions: Moon Unit Alpha and Moon Unit Zappa.

Austin: How could you sleep with Fat Bastard? Felicity: I was just doing my duty, Austin. I had to. Austin: No, I mean, literally, HOW could you sleep with him? He's so fat! The mechanics of it is just mind-boggling!

Dr. Evil: You're not quite evil enough. You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil, just one calorie, not evil enough.

Austin Powers: [About her skintight clothes.] How do you get into those pants? Felicity Shagwell: Well you can start by buying me a drink.

[Driving on a supposedly English road, clearly *not* filmed on location.] Austin Powers: You know what's remarkable? That England looks in no way like Southern California.

Austin: I put the "grrrr" in swinger baby, yeah!

Felicity Shagwell: Felicity Shagwell. Shagwell by name, shag-very-well by reputation.

Dr. Evil: As the French say, that certain "I don't know what."

Ivana: Do you know how we keep warm in Russia? Austin: I can guess, baby. Ivana: We play chess. Austin: I guessed wrong.

Ivana: When did you get "The Clapper"? Austin: November, 1964, Dutch East Indies, shore leave.

Felicity: Move over, Rover. This chick is taking over.

Number Two: Dr. Evil, wouldn't it be easier to use your knowledge of the future to play the stock market? We could literally make trillions! Dr. Evil: Why make trillions when we could make... billions?

President: C'mon, let me nuke that bastard. Commander Gilmour: You want to blow up the moon? President: Would you really miss it that much?

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