James Belushi: I'm not really a big fan of Arnold's... She
is, you know... Arnold really turns her on and I just want
to be there when it happens.
Frank: We mostly talk muzzle velocities. Guns.
Benedict: Since you're about to die anyway, I might as well
tell you the entire plot.
Jack Slater: Here's another explosion for your movie, kid.
[First line] Dekker: This is one hell of a way to spend
Christmas...
[Jack Slater is Hamlet] Hamlet: Hey Claudius! You killed
my father! Big mistake! Narrator: Something is rotten in
the state of Denmark, and Hamlet is taking out the trash.
Old Man: Stay thy hand, fair prince. Hamlet: [shooting him]
Who said I'm fair? Narrator: No one is going to tell this
sweet prince good night. Hamlet: To be or not to be? Not
to be.
[Dead assassin tumbles out of closet after Slater has fired
into it without warning] Danny: How'd you know someone was
in there? Slater: There's always someone in there. It costs
me a fortune in closet doors.
Vivaldi: What I'm saying is; Mr. Benedict can take you out
as easy as cake.
[Danny Madigan is watching the bad guys on the screen] Danny
Madigan: You are gonna pay... Oooh, you gonna pay!
[Frank's last words] Frank: I'm out of here...
Jack Slater: Who the hell are you? Danny Madigan: Don't
shoot me. I'm Danny Madigan. I'm a kid.
Danny Madigan: OK, I got one. What about this girl right
here. She is way too attractive to be working in a video
store. Jack Slater: I agree with you. I think she should
be working with us ... under cover of course...
Danny Madigan: You think you are funny, don't you? Jack
Slater: I know I am. I'm the famous comedian Arnold Braunschweiger.
Danny Madigan: Schwarzenegger! Jack Slater: Gesundheit.
Jack Slater: Could I speak to the drug dealer of the house,
please?
Jack Slater: I'll be back! Ha! You didn't know I was gonna
say that, did you? Danny Madigan: That's what you always
say! Jack Slater: I do?
Jack Slater: Kid! Who does the doctor treat? Danny Madigan:
Patients? Jack Slater: Look at the elbow of my jacket. What
is it doing? Danny Madigan: Wearing thin? Jack Slater: Bingo!
[Danny Madigan was just kissed by Whitney Slater] Danny
Madigan: From now on it's all gonna be downhill...
Whitney Slater: FREEZE! Lose the guns or I redecorate in
brain-matter grey, got it?
Danny Madigan: Chicken it is...
Danny Madigan: ...I though I was going to die. Jack Slater:
Well I'm sorry to disappoint you but you're gonna live to
enjoy all the glorious fruits life has got to offer - acne,
shaving, premature ejaculation ... and your first divorce.
Jack Slater: And Whitney! Why can't she be like every other
teenager. For prom night she stayed home and field stripped
an AK-47.
[Jack Slater realizes that a nerve gas bomb is hidden in
Leo "the Fart"'s body] Jack Slater: Leo "the Fart" is gonna
pass gas one more time.
Vivaldi: Mr. Torelli. I hope it's alright with you I am
here. I don't wanna be no fourth wheel...
Vivaldi: You've had Slater in front of the eight ball before,
but you always screwed it up.
[The nervgasbomb goes of in the tar-pit] Jack Slater: Silent
but deadly!
Benedict: If God was a villain, he would have been me.
[Jack Slater throws Benedict against a wall, and both Benedict
and his servant disappears through it] Jack Slater: Usually
when I do that it leaves a hole...
Nick: There are lots of things worse than movies: politicians,
wars, forest fires, famine, plague, sickness, pain, whores,
politicians... Jack Slater: You already mentioned them.
Nick: I know I did. They are twice as bad as anything else.
Tony Vivaldi: What is this, Benedict?! First you're my friend;
now you turn a... 360 on me! Benedict: 180, you stupid,
spaghetti-slurping cretin -- *180*! If I did a 360, I'd
go completely around and end up back where I started! Tony
Vivaldi: What? Benedict: Trust me! [shoots him]
