Alan Frog: Aaaaaah! Flies! Edgar Frog: We're on the right
trail. Flies and the undead go together like bullets and
guns. Come on.
Sam Emerson: What's that smell? Edgar Frog: Vampires, my
friend, vampires.
Alan Frog: We don't ride with vampires. Sam Emerson: Fine,
stay here. Edgar Frog: We do now. Alan Frog: Yeah.
Edgar Frog: Come on Sam, let's get out of here. Burn rubber!
[the car accelerates, almost driving over a cliff] Christ!
Sam Emerson: Burn rubber does not mean warp speed!
Sam Emerson: Guys, we're on our own. Edgar Frog: Good, just
the way we like it.
David: Michael wants to know what's going on. Marco, what's
going on? Marco: I don't know. What's going on, Paul? Paul:
Wait a minute. Who wants to know? Dwayne: Michael wants
to know.
David: How are those maggots? Michael: Huh? David: Maggots,
Michael. You're eating maggots. How do they taste?
Edgar Frog: If you try to stop us, or vamp out in any way,
I'll stake you without even thinking twice about it! Sam:
Chill out Edgar. Edgar Frog: [coming to his senses] Right.
Grandpa: Second shelf is mine. That's where I keep my rootbeers
and my double-thick Oreo cookies. Nobody touches the second
shelf but me.
David: It is too late, my blood is in your veins. Michael:
So is mine!
Grandpa: If you read the T.V. Guide, you don't need a T.V.
Max: Don't ever invite a vampire into your house, you silly
boy. It renders you powerless. Sam: Did you know that? Edgar:
Sure. Everyone knows that.
Grandpa: Something I never could stomach about Santa Carla,
all the damn vampires!
David: What, you don't like rice? Tell me Michael, how could
a billion Chinese people be wrong?
David: Now you know what we are, now you know what you are.
You'll never grow old, Michael, and you'll never die. But
you must feed!
Sam: [about Star] It's that girl from the boardwalk. Is
she one of them? [Star floats up.] She's one of them! And
don't tell me it doesn't make her a bad person, Mike.
Alan Frog: Holy shit! It's the attack of Eddie Munster!
Edgar Frog: The bloodsucking Brady Bunch!
Sam Emerson: So where're we going? Michael Emerson: Nowhere.
Sam Emerson: So what's the rush? You're chasing that girl
aren't you? Come on, admit it. I'm at the mercy of your
sex glands, bud.
Sam Emerson: Got a problem, guys? Edgar Frog: Just scoping
your civilian wardrobe. Sam Emerson: Pretty cool, huh? Alan
Frog: For a fashion victim.
Edgar Frog: Where the hell are you from? Krypton?
Edgar Frog: You think you really know what's happening here,
don't you? Well, I'll tell you something, you don't know
shit, buddy. Alan Frog: Yeah? You think we just work at
a comic book store for our folks, huh? Sam Emerson: Actually
I thought it was a bakery. Edgar Frog: This is just a cover,
we're dedicated to a higher purpose. We're fighters for
truth, justice, and the American way.
Grandpa: Hey, anything around here that might pass for aftershave?
Sam Emerson: How about some Windex, Grandpa? Grandpa: Yeah,
yeah, let me try some of that. Michael Emerson: You have
a big date tonight, Grandpa? Grandpa: I'm going to drop
my handiwork by the widow Johnson. Michael Emerson: What'd
ya stuff for her? Mr. Johnson?
Sam Emerson: Look at your reflection in the mirror. You're
a creature of the night Michael, just like out of a comic
book! You're a vampire Michael! My own brother, a goddamn,
shit-sucking vampire.
Edgar Frog: You did the right thing by calling us. Does
your brother sleep a lot? Sam Emerson: Yeah, all day. Alan
Frog: Does the sun freak him out? Sam Emerson: He wears
sunglasses in the house. Edgar Frog: Bad breath, long fingernails?
Sam Emerson: Yeah, his fingernails are a little bit longer,
he always had bad breath though. Alan Frog: He's a vampire
all right. Edgar Frog: All right, here's what you do, get
your self a good sharp stake and drive it straight through
his heart. Sam Emerson: I can't do that, he's my brother.
Alan Frog: OK, we'll come over and do it for you. Edgar
Frog: You'd better get a garlic T-shirt, buddy, or it's
your funeral.
Sam Emerson: And then his dog started chasing my mom like
the hounds of hell in "Vampires Everywhere." Edgar Frog:
We've been aware there's some very serious vampire activity
in this town for some time. Alan Frog: Santa Carla's become
a haven for the undead. Edgar Frog: As a matter of fact,
we're almost certain ghouls and werewolves occupy high positions
at city hall. Alan Frog: Kill your brother, you'll feel
better.
