Charlotte Flax: Oh, I'm going to hell for sure. Here he is, talking about his dead mother and I can't help wishing his hands were unbuttoning my dress!
Mrs. Flax: Alright, you know what? I'll make you a deal. You stop being a little bitch for, let's say, oh, I don't know, an hour or two, and I won't knock the religion of your choice for a week.
Charlotte Flax: Please God don't let me fall in love and want to do disgusting things. ...Dear God, I love the way he throws.
Mrs. Flax: Why don't you stop being a bitch, for let's say an hour, and I'll not knock the religion of your choice for a week.
Charlotte: I wanted to ask her what color her bra was and if she had pure thoughts every second of the day, but...
Charlotte: I'm going to make a real sandwich; one that a man can sink his teeth into.
Mrs. Flax: Who's that? Charlotte Flax: That's Mr. Crane, my history teacher, and he is very nice. Mrs. Flax: *He* is an asshole. Charlotte Flax: You haven't even met him yet! Mrs. Flax: I don't to meet him. He's driving an Edsel, for Christ's sake.
Mrs. Flax: Charlotte, I know you're planning a celibate life, but with half my chromosomes, I think that might be tough.
Charlotte Flax: A word about Mrs. Flax and food: the word is "hors d'oeurves." Fun Finger Foods is her main source book and it's all the woman cooks.