Ted: [to Socrates] All we are is dust in the wind, dude.
History Teacher: Who was Joan of Arc? Ted: Noah's wife?
Ted: I can't believe your dad's actually going for it in your
room! Bill: Shut up, Ted. Ted: Your step-mom is cute, though.
Bill: Shut up, Ted. Ted: Remember when I asked her out to
the prom? Bill: Shut up Ted!!
Bill: [to peasant] Excuse me. Do you know where there are
any personages of historical signiface around here?
Bill S. Preston, Ted Logan: Excellent!
Ted Logan: Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K.
[Delivering a history report.] Ox: Everything is different,
but the same... things are more moderner than before... bigger,
and yet smaller... it's computers... San Dimas High School
football rules!
[An early morning jam] Bill: I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
Ted: And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan. Bill, Ted: And together,
we're WYLD STALLYNS!
Mr. Ryan: All you boys seemed to have learned is that Caesar
is a "salad dressing dude."
[Bill thought Ted was killed.] Bill: Ted, you're alive! Ted:
Yeah, I fell out of my armor when it hit the floor! [They
hug.] Bill, Ted: [to each other] Fag!
Ted: Be excellent to each other. Bill: Party on, dudes.
[After seeing the Princesses Joanna and Elizabeth] Ted: Bill?
Bill: What? Ted: I'm in love, dude. Bill: Come on, this is
a history report, not a babe report. Ted: But, Bill, those
are historical babes! Bill: Okay, you're the ladies' man.
How we gonna meet 'em?
[Bill S. Preston and Ted Logan meet themselves] Ted Logan:
OK wait. If you guys are really us, what number are we thinking
of? Bill S. Preston, Ted Logan: 69 dudes! Bill S. Preston,
Ted Logan: Whoa! [Quadruple air guitar solo]
Ted Logan: Dude, are you sure we should be doing this? Bill
S. Preston: Ted, you and I have witnessed many things, but
nothing as bodacious as what just happened. Besides, we told
ourselves to listen to this guy... Ted Logan: What if we were
lying? Bill S. Preston: Why would we lie to ourselves?
[Just before time-traveling for the first time] Rufus: [putting
on his sunglasses] Gentlemen... We're history!
Bill S. Preston: Socrates; "The only true wisdom consists
of knowing you know nothing". Ted Logan: That's us, dude!
[Bill S. Preston and Ted Logan have met themselves again]
Bill S. Preston, Ted Logan: Catch you later, Bill and Ted!
Bill S. Preston: That conversation made more sense this time.
Police Psychiatrist: I don't know why you claim to be Sigmund
Freud. Sigmund Freud: Why do you claim I'm not Sigmund Freud?
Police Psychiatrist: Why do you keep asking me these questions?
Sigmund Freud: Tell me about your mother.
Ted: Dude, it's Sigmund Frood! Bill: Extra credit, dude. Let's
bag him! Ted: [to Freud] How's it goin' Frood-dude?
[As Genghis Khan shows off, Ted narrates] Ted: As you can
see, Genghis greatly enjoys Twinkies because of the excellent
sugar rush!
[Repeated lines] Abraham Lincoln: Be excellent to each other...
And party on, dudes!
[Last line (while Bill S. Preston and Ted Logan are "jamming")]
Rufus: [reassuringly to the camera] They do get better.
