Kit Ramsey: We're trying to make a movie here, not a film!
Jif Ramsey: Oh, gosh, I'm really hoping to get a career running errands. That'd be a major boost for me.
Robert K. Bowfinger: She had the personality of a ZIP code in Kansas.
Robert K. Bowfinger: Yes! We'll be just like Bogey and Bacall! Daisy: Who?
Kit Ramsey: Them people can't speak English good!
Robert K. Bowfinger: We're finished! It's over between us! Daisy: But why? Robert K. Bowfinger: You slept with Jiff. Daisy: So? Robert K. Bowfinger: You know, I never thought about it that way. Daisy: So I'll see you tonight? Robert K. Bowfinger: What time?
[Interviewing Jiff for the movie] Bowfinger: Would you be willing to cut your hair? Jiff Ramsey: Well, yeah, but it would probably be better if someone else did it. I've had a few... accidents.
Kit Ramsey: The white man gets all the best catchphrases!
Robert K. Bowfinger: This film is only for Madagascar and Iran, neither of which follow American copyright law.
Kit Ramsey: White boys always get the Oscar. It's a known fact. Did I ever get a nomination? No! You know why? Cause I hadn't played any of them slave roles, and get my ass whipped. That's how you get the nomination. A black dude who plays a slave that gets his ass whipped gets the nomination, a white guy who plays an idiot gets the Oscar. That's what I need, I need to play a retarded slave, then I'll get the Oscar.
Robert K. Bowfinger: Every day that FedEx truck comes through here delivering important things to important people. Someday it's going to stop here, and when that day comes, then we -- and by we, I mean me -- will be important.
Daisy: I know what's going on. I may be from Ohio, but I'm not from Ohio.
Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: Happy premise #1. Kit Ramsey: Happy premise #1: There are no aliens. Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: Happry premise #2. Kit Ramsey: Happy premise #2: There is no giant foot trying to squash me. Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: Happy premise #3. Kit Ramsey: Happy premise #3: Even though I feel like I might ignite, I probably won't.