Cameron
Poe: There's only two men I trust. One is me. The other
is not you.
Cameron Poe: There's now three people I trust. Vince Larkin:
Am I one of them?
Cyrus 'the Virus' Grissom: Oh, nothing makes me sadder than
the agent lost his bladder on the airplane.
Cyrus 'the Virus' Grissom: Thank you Poe, you've proven
to be a most useful mammal. Poe: Many hands make light work.
My father taught me that. Cyrus 'the Virus' Grissom: Know
what my father taught me? Nothing. Poe: Self-educated man.
Cyrus 'the Virus' Grissom: It's not difficult to surmise
Nathan's feelings towards killing these guards; and my own
proclivities are well-known and often-lamented facts of
penal lore.
'Pinball': Hey, man. You Swamp Thing? Swamp Thing: That's
right. 'Pinball': You gonna fly the plane? Swamp Thing:
That's right. 'Pinball': It's amazing the shit you white
trash know. Swamp Thing: That's right.
Cyrus 'the Virus' Grissom: If we let you out, are you gonna
play nice, Billy? William 'Billy Bedlam' Bedford: Probably
not.
Guard Falzon: If any of you so much as pass gas in my direction
and upset my delicate nasal passages, your testicles will
become my private property.
Little Girl: Are you sick? Garland 'The Marietta Mangler'
Greene: Why do you ask? Little Girl: You look sick. Garland
'The Marietta Mangler' Greene: I am sick. Little Girl: Do
you take medicine? Garland 'The Marietta Mangler' Greene:
There is no medicine for what I have.
[They can't reach Vince Larkin] Duncan Malloy: Well of course
you can't reach him. He's off saving the rain forest, or
recycling his sandals or some shit.
[Cyrus is about to burn Cindino alive] Francisco Cindino:
Cy! Cyrus: ...onara!
[Holding a gun to the stuffed animal bunny.] Cyrus: Don't
move or the bunny gets it.
Cameron Poe: Put... the bunny... back... in the... box.
Cyrus: I despise rapists. For me, they're somewhere between
a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the
corners of your mouth when you're really thirsty. But, in
your case, I'll make an exception.
Agent Sims: I'm DEA, d'you know what the fuck that means?
Pinball: It means you're the most crooked nigger on the
plane!
Local cop: I got a problem with a corpse. Larkin: Yeah?
Local cop: Yeah, fell from the sky. I don't think he's an
astronaut.
Duncan Malloy: Beautiful? Sunsets are beautiful, newborn
babies are beautiful. This... this is fucking spectacular!
Garland Green: What if I told you insane was working fifty
hours a week in some office for fifty years at the end of
which they tell you to piss off; ending up in some retirement
village hoping to die before suffering the indignity of
trying to make it to the toilet on time? Wouldn’t you consider
that to be insane?
[To Cyrus, while holding a gun] Pinball: You didn't mean
that "dirty nigger crackhead" shit, did you? Cyrus: Give
me that gun. [Takes the gun.] Hell yes, I meant it.
[Threatening the pilot at gunpoint] Cyrus: And if you say
a word about this over the radio, the next wings you see
will belong to the flies buzzing over your rotting corpse.
Vince Larkin: Are you with me or do you need me to draw
it in crayon like usual?
Garland Greene: He's a fountain of misplaced rage. Name
your cliche; Mother held him too much or not enough, last
picked at kickball, late night sneaky uncle, whatever. Now
he's so angry that moments of levity actually cause him
pain; give him headaches. Happiness, for that gentleman,
hurts.
Pinball: I hate to say this, Cyrus, but we are three white
dudes short. Or as they say in Ebonics, "We be fucked".
Billy "Billy Bedlam" Bedform: Have you lost your mind? Cyrus
"The Virus" Grissom: According to my last psych evaluation
yes.
Cyrus the Virus: Johnny, can you fly? Johnny 23: No. Cyrus
the Virus: You keep that in mind, cause if your dick jumps
out of your pants, you jump off this plane!
Duncan Malloy: What's with dictionary-boy over here? Vince
Larkin: I believe thesaurus-boy would be more appropriate.
Duncan Malloy: This is one problem that needs to be un-fucked
right now!
Sally Can't Dance: What can I do? Cyrus Grissom: Take this
gun. And if any one comes near you, scratch their eyes out!
[Sally Can't Dance is surrounded by cops.] Sally Can't Dance:
Ooh. Men in uniform.
Baby O: What's wrong with him? Cameron Poe: My first guess
would be... a lot.
Vince Larkin: Cyrus, where are you taking my plane? Cyrus
Grissom: We're going to Disney Land.
Cyrus Grissom: The last thing your daughter will smell will
be my hot stinking breath!
Cyrus Grissom: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain
speaking. I have the only gun on board. Welcome to Con Air.
Cameron Poe: You got a gun? Vince Larkin: Yeah! Cameron
Poe: Then shoot that piece of shit!
Vince Larkin: If you can't trust a South American drug lord,
who can you trust? [silence] That was a joke. Cameron Poe:
I'm glad you told me.
John "Johnny 23" Baca: Do you know what I am? Cameron Poe:
Ugly all day?
Cameron Poe: Somehow they managed to get every creep and
freak in the universe on this one plane.
Vince Larkin: Cyrus is a poster child for the criminally
insane.
[After seeing a Corvette being towed in the air by a plane.]
Cameron Poe: On any other day, that might seem strange.
Garland "The Marietta Mangler" Greene: One girl, I drove
through three states wearing her head as a hat.
Vince Larkin: They call him Cyrus the Virus. He claims he's
killed more people than cancer.
Vince Larkin: So what are you going to do now? Cameron Poe:
What do you think I'm gonna do? I'm gonna save the fuckin'
day!
["Sweet Home Alabama" plays in background.] Garland Greene:
Define irony: a bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane
to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash.
