Sean Archer: When we put this thing away, you can brand the 4th amendment on my butt.
Castor Troy: I'm about to unleash the biblical plague "Hell"-A. deserves.
[Sean Archer and Castor Troy, each wearing the other's face, meet] Castor Troy: It's like looking in a mirror. Only... not.
Castor Troy: You'll be seeing a lot of changes around here. Papa's got a brand new bag.
Jamie Archer: Daddy, I'm sorry I shot you.
Castor Troy: Hello? This is Sean Archer. Sean Archer: Well, if you are Sean Archer, then I must be Castor Troy.
Castor Troy: I hate to see you go, but I LOVE to watch you leave.
Castor Troy: You're not the only one in the family with the brains. Pollux Troy: No, although now I am the only one with the looks.
Castor Troy: Watch your fucking mouth.
Dietrich: Hey Sean, how's your dead son?
Castor Troy: Do you have protection? Jamie Archer: You mean, c-c-condoms? [Pulls out knife.] Castor Troy: Protection.
Castor Troy: Well, I've gotta go. I've got a government job to abuse, and a lonely wife to fuck.
Castor Troy: If you dress like Halloween, ghouls will try to get in your pants.
Dietrich: You look like you just fucked your mother.
Sean Archer: We are a covert anti-terrorist team that is so secret, when we snap our fingers NOTHING HAPPENS!
Castor Troy: Isn't this religious, ah yes. The eternal struggle between good and evil, saint and sinners... but you are still not having fun!
Sean Archer: I want to take his face... off. Eyes, nose, skin, teeth. It's coming off!
Castor Troy: Lies, deceit, mixed messages... this is turning into a real marriage.
Castor Troy: No daughter of mine shoots that wide.