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Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994)

Young Bridesmaid: What's bonking? Scarlett: Well, it's kinda like table tennis, only with slightly smaller balls.

Scarlett: They say rubber's mainly for perverts. Don't know why. Think it's very practical, actually. I mean, you spill anything on it and it just comes off. I suppose that could be why the perverts like it.

Tom: Splendid, I thought. What did you think? Bernard: I, thought, splendid! What did you think? Tom: Splendid, I thought. Charles: How do you do, my name is Charles. Old man: Don't be ridiculous, Charles died 20 years ago! Charles: Must be a different Charles, I think. Old man: Are you telling me I don't know my own brother! Charles: No, no.

Charles: All these weddings, all these years, all that blasted salmon and champagne and here I am on my own wedding day, and I'm... eh... em... eh... still thinking. Matthew: Well, can I ask about what? Charles: No... no... I think, best not.

[Carrie asks Charles' opinion on her wedding dress.] Charles: It is dangerous! You know, there's nothing more off-putting in a wedding than a priest with an enormous erection, yech!

Charles: Do you think there really are people who can just go up and say, "Hi, babe. Name's Charles. This is your lucky night"? Matthew: Well, if there are, they're not English.

Angus the Groom: Ignore her. She's drunk. At least I hope she is. Otherwise I'm in real trouble.

Charles: Marriage is just a way of getting out of an embarrassing pause in conversation. Gareth: The definitive icebreaker.

[At a wedding] Old lady: Are you married? Fiona: No. Old lady: Are you a lesbian? Fiona: Good lord! What makes you ask that? Old lady: Well, it is one of the possibilites for unmarried girls nowadays, and it's rather more interesting than saying, "Oh dear, never met the right chap," eh? Fiona: Quite right. Why be dull? Old lady: Thank you. [long pause] Fiona: I was a lesbian once at school, but only for about fifteen minutes.

Charles: Why am I always at, uh, weddings, and never actually getting married, now? Matthew: It's probably 'cause you're a bit scruffy. Or it could also be 'cause you haven't met the right girl. Charles: Ah, but you see, is that it? Maybe I have met the right girls. Maybe I meet the right girls all the time. Maybe it's me.

Tom: I always just hoped that, that I'd meet some nice friendly girl, like the look of her, hope the look of me didn't make her physically sick, then pop the question and, um, settle down and be happy. It worked for my parents. Well, apart from the divorce and all that.

Tom: The great advantage of having a reputation for being stupid: People are less suspicious of you.

Father Gerald: In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spigot.

Carrie: Our timing has been very bad. Charles: Yes it has been. Very bad. Carrie: It's been a disaster. Charles: It has been, as you say, very bad indeed.

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