Veronica Sawyer: She's my best friend. God, I hate her.
Veronica Sawyer: [after she shoots J.D.] You know what I want? Cool guys like you out of my life.
Heather Duke: Veronica, you look like hell. Veronica Sawyer: Thanks, I just got back.
Counselor Paul Hyde: Whether or not a teenager decides to kill themselves is the biggest decision of their life.
Heather Chandler: Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa to you?
Veronica Sawyer: Heather, my love, there's a new sheriff in town.
Veronica Sawyer: Watch it Heather, you might be digesting food there. Heather McNamara: Yeah, were's your urge to purge? Heather Duke: Fuck it!
Principal: I've seen a lot of sexually perverse photographs involving tennis rackets.
Heather Chandler: Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. No one at Westerberg is going to let you play their reindeer games.
Jason Dean: People will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say, "Now there's a school that self destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society!" Now that's deep.
Jason Dean: Chaos killed the dinosaurs!
Veronica: It's one thing to want someone out of your life, but it's another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of Liquid Drano.
Kurt Kelly: Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a no fags allowed rule? Jason Dean: Well, they seem to have an open door policy for assholes though don't they?
Heather Chandler: You wanted to be a member of the most powerful clique in school. If I wasn't already the head of it, I'd want the same thing.
Heather Chandler: [dying] Corn Nuts!
Heather Duke: I prayed and prayed every night, wondering if you would listen, but now that Heather is dead, I see that you understood. Praise the Lord! Hallellujah!
Heather Chandler: Grow up, Heather. Bulimia's so '87!
Heather Duke: Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?
Veronica: No, my life's not perfect... I don't really like my friends. Jason: Yeah... I don't really like your friends either.
Veronica: My parents wanted to move me into high school out of the sixth grade, but we decided to chuck the idea because I'd have trouble making friends, blah, blah, blah. Now blah, blah, blah is all I ever do. I use my great IQ to decide what color lip gloss to wear and how to hit three keggers before curfew.
J.D.: This is Ohio. If you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.
Veronica: They're all Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads.
Veronica: Dear diary, Heather told me she teaches people real life. She said "Real life sucks losers dry. If you want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly."
Heather Macnamara: It's your turn Heather. Heather Chandler: No, Heather, it's Heather's turn. Heather? Heather Duke: Sorry Heather.
Veronica: I better motor, if I'm gonna make the funeral.
Heather Chandler: You stupid fuck! Veronica Sawyer: You goddamn bitch! Heather Chandler: I brought you to a Remington party and what's my thanks? It's on a hallway carpet. I got paid in puke. Veronica: Lick it up baby, lick it up.
Heather Chandler: You were nothing before you met me. You were a bluebird. You were a brownie. You were a girlscout cookie.
Veronica's dad: Somebody tell me why I read these damn spy novels. Veronica: Because you're an idiot. Veronica's dad: Oh yeah, that's right.
Veronica's dad: Will someone tell me why I smoke these damn things? Veronica: Becasue you're an idiot. Veronica's dad: Oh yeah, that's it.
Veronica: This isn't just a spoke in my menstrual cycle.
Heather McNamara: Suicide is a private thing. Veronica Sawyer: You're throwing your life away to become a statistic on U. S. fucking A. Today; that's about the least private thing I can think of.
Heather Chandler: They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshiped at Westerburg and I'm only a junior.
Veronica Sawyer: This may seem like a really stupid question... Jason Dean: There *are* no stupid questions. Veronica Sawyer: You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow it up in 2 days. What do you do? Jason Dean: That's the stupidest question I've ever heard.
Courtney: If I got that money, I'd give it all to the homeless. Every cent. Veronica Sawyer: You're beautiful.
Jason Dean: The extreme always seems to make an impression.
Jason Dean: I like it. It's got that it's-a-cruel-world-let's-throw-ourselves-in-the-abyss type ambience.
Jason Dean: Our love is God, let's go get a Slushie.
Veronica Sawyer: I say we just grow up, be adults and die.
Veronica Sawyer: All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits. Veronica's Dad: I don't patronize bunny rabbits!
Jason Dean: Seven schools in seven states and the only thing different is my locker combination.
Veronica Sawyer: If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a game-show host.
Veronica Sawyer: Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch? Heather Duke: Because I can be.
Jason Dean: Wanna go out tonight? Catch a movie? Miniature golf? Veronica Sawyer: I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open, making it look like suicide. Jason Dean: Ah, now you're talking. I can be up for that. I've already started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean?
Veronica Sawyer: My teenage angst bullshit now has a body count.
Jason Dean: The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven.
Veronica Sawyer: I just killed my best friend! Jason Dean: And your worst enemy. Veronica Sawyer: Same difference.
Father Ripper: We must pray the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio, know the name of that righteous dude who can solve their problems: it's Jesus Christ, and he's in the Book!
Heather Chandler: Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast or something?
Heather Chandler: Grow up. You think I'm going to drink that piss just because you call me chicken? Just hand me the cup, jerk.
Kurt's Dad: My son's a homosexual, and I love him! I love my dead gay son! Jason Dean: Wonder how he'd react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse.