Hot Shots! (1991)
Kent Gregory: Hey everybody. Drinks are on me.
Topper Harley: So ... I guess you've been with a man before... Ramada: I'm a virgin. I'm just not very good at it.
Ship Commander: Admiral Benson! Admiral Benson: Really? That's my name too.
Topper Harley: Nice place. Ramada: It's alright. The only problem is I have a nosy landlady. Well, I guess this is goodnight. Topper Harley: I don't want to go back to the base. Ramada: That's OK. I don't want to be alone. Topper Harley: What about your landlady? Ramada: You can do her too.
Admiral Benson: I slipped on a crab. Who put that crab there? Ship Commander: I don't see any crab. Admiral Benson: Don't tell me. There were two crabs they work in pairs.
Admiral Benson: Call down to the galley and order up some soup. Lt. Commander Bloc: Yes, sir. Admiral Benson: Ahhh...I love soup. At least I think I love soup. Blasted shell! It's either soup or duck. Which one do you shoot? Lt. Commander Bloc: Duck, sir. [Admiral Benson hits head on desk while ducking] Lt. Commander Bloc: Are you alright, sir? Admiral Benson: Of course I'm alright! Why, what have you heard?
Admiral Benson: I would like to thank you for having us over for dinner last night. Cheryl and I thought the stroganoff was wonderful. Lt. Commander Bloc: But sir, we didn't have you over for dinner last night. Admiral Benson: Oh, very well. Then, where the hell was I? And who's Cheryl?
Topper Harley: You have the whitest white-part-of-the-eyes I've ever seen. Do you floss?
Kent Gregory: That flying stunt today was pure madness. If there wasn't a lady present, I'd tear you apart like Christmas goose. Topper Harley: Yeah? Well, keep it up, you'll be carrying your face home in a doggie bag. Ramada: What is this macho thing? Topper: He started it. Kent: Did not. Topper: Did too. Kent: Did not. Ramada: You're behaving like children. Topper: He's bein' a jerk. Kent: Am not. Topper: Are too. Kent: Am not. Topper: Are too too too too too too too too too too too-- Kent: Not not not not not not not not not-- Topper: Are too times ten.
Admiral Benson: My eyes are ceramic. Caught a bazooka round at Little Big Horn. Or was it Okinawa? The one without the Indians.
Topper Harley: Playing to lose is like sleeping with your sister. Sure she's a great piece of tail with a blouse full of goodies, but it's just illegal. Then you get into that whole inbred thing. Kids with no teeth who do nothing but play the banjo... eat apple sauce through a straw... pork farm animals.
Officer: I don't care how many missions you've flown! I don't care how good you think you are! You're nobody, and for the next 10 days - nobody takes a crap unless I say so! Got it?
Topper Harley: Those are some long legs... Ramada: I just had them lengthened. Now they go all the way up.
[Admiral Benson comes into the briefing room in riding pants] Admiral Benson: Be seated! Ah... Many of you are wondering what's wrong with my pants, well they started running short on materials right before they got to the knees so don't give me any shit. Ah. I look out there on all you wonderful guys and I say to myself "What I wouldn't give to be 20 years younger ... and a woman". You know, I've personally flown over 194 missions and I was shot down on every one. Come to think of it, I've never landed a plane in my life.
Reporter: Hey Topper Harley, now that you've killed the bad guy and made the world safe for democracy, what are you going to do to catch in on your new found fame? Topper Harley: I'm goin' to Disneyland.
Admiral Benson: You risked the lives of some damn fine pilots ... and that's my job!