Hudson Hawk: Will you play Nintendo with me? Annie: I can't
think of anyone I'd rather play Nintendo with.
George Kaplan: The last time you saw me I was bald, beard
with no mustache, and I had a different nose. So if you
don't recognize me, I won't be offended Hudson Hawk: My
high school science teacher?
Darwin Mayflower: I'll torture you so slowly, you'll think
it's a career.
Darwin Mayflower: You New York Italian, father-made-twenty-bucks-a-week
son of a bitch.
[To a waiter at a classy Italian restaurant.] Butterfinger:
Yo, Pierre! Read my lips: steak burger!
Cardinal: Oh, the Pope warned me never to trust the CIA!
Darwin Mayflower: History! Tradition! Culture! Are not concepts!
These are trophies I keep in my den as paperweights!
Darwin Mayflower: I'll kill your friends, your family, and
the bitch you took to the prom! Hudson Hawk: Betty Jo Byarsky?
I can get you an address on that, if you want.
Hudson Hawk: You fuck my freedom for a lousy job?
Narrator: Long ago, the Duke of Milan commissioned a little
known artist to erect a Mammoth statue of a horse. The time
was 1481. The artist was Leonardo da Vinci. The guy on the
donkey's just a guy on a donkey.
[Hawk has just decapitated a villain.] Hudson Hawk: Looks
like you won't be attending that hat convention in July.
Gates: I got a proposition for ya. Hudson Hawk: Answer's
"no," Gates... Even if you bathe.
Hudson Hawk: But I want to do community service; I want
to teach the handicapped how to yodel.
Hudson Hawk: If the Mario brothers weren't New Jersey's
third-largest crime family, I'd say, "Kiss my ass." But
considering your status, I will say, "Slurp my butt."
Dean: 673 Wongs in the phone book. Jerry: Hmmm. That's a
helluva lotta wong numbers.
Tommy Five-Tone: Did I miss anything? Hudson Hawk: Gates
tries to blackmail me, you ask me "Did I miss anything."
Gates gets killed, you say "Did I miss anything." I bet
you went up to Mrs. Lincoln at the Ford Theatre and said
"How was the show? Did I miss anything?"
Hudson Hawk: Is looking like a constipated warthog a prerequisite
for getting a job in the artworld?
Darwin Mayflower: So, Hawkmeister. We've got you clothes,
a great hotel and a 250,000 lira per diem. Minerva Mayflower:
That's 200 dollars a day. So he can get a hooker and some
tequila? Veto Darwin.
Hudson Hawk: I guess we see who wears the penis in this
family.
George Kaplan: I've always had a soft spot in my heart for
Rome. I did my first bare-handed strangulation here. Communist
politician. Hudson Hawk: Why George you old softie. George
Kaplan: God, I miss Communism. The Red threat... people
were scared... the agency had some respect and I got laid
every night.
Waiter: I am the waiter sir. Hudson Hawk: Oh. Very nice.
Fettucini con fungi porcinni. Prego. Oh, and bring me a
bottle of ketchup, will ya? Anna Baragli: You heard him.
Waiter: Ketchup! Ketchup!!! Stupid Americanos always ketchup...
Darwin Mayflower: The last ingredient in the recipe is Da
Vinci's model of a helicopter... Minerva Mayflower: ...on
display for three days only at the Louvre in Paris. Hudson
Hawk: As opposed to the Louvre in Wisconsin?
Darwin Mayflower: If Da Vinci was alive today, he'd be eating
microwave sushi, naked, in the back of a Cadillac with the
both of us.
Anna Baragli: He's definitely gonna steal the Codex. I can
feel it. I'm not sure when. Cardinal: "Attempt to steal,"
you mean. The vanity in this man Hudson Hawk! The Vatican
has foiled the advances of pirates and terrorists. We will
not lie down for some schmuck from New Jersey.
