Major League (1989)

Harry Doyle: The post-game show is brought to you by... [searches through his papers] Aw, I can't find it. The hell with it!

[Rookie pitcher Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn is about to throw the final pitch for the Indians in the playoff game] Lou Brown: Forget about the curve ball Ricky, give him the heater.

Harry Doyle: Heywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor.

Jake Taylor: I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees!

[The Indians are on a plane during a thunderstorm.] Hayes: Vaughn, get the stewardess. I need one of those bags. Vaughn: There aren't any stewardesses. Hayes: Oh! I wonder if they are any pilots.

[To Ricky, while he's listening to "Wild Thing" on the jukebox.] Lady: Wild thing, you make my heart sing.

Heywood: How's your wife and my kids?

Harry Doyle: In case you haven't noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven't, the Indians have managed to win a few ball games, and are threatening to climb out of the cellar.

Jake Taylor: I'm with the Indians Woman at Party: Here, in Cleveland? I didn't know we still had a team! Jake Taylor: Yeah, we've got uniforms and everything. It's really great.

[After sliding into home plate in a tux.] Willie Mays Hayes: The American Express Card. Don't steal home without it.

Jake: That's my wife... Willie Mays Hays: Does she know that? Jake: Well, she would've been if I hadn't screwed it up... and what's she doing with that guy? Vaughn: Want me to drag him out of here, kick the shit out of him?

Willie Mays Hayes: I'm Willie Mays Hayes. I hit like Mays, and I run like Hayes. Lou Brown: Well, you may run like Mays, but you hit like shit.

Charlie Donovan: Vaughn's been looking good out there today. Rachel Phelps: Don't worry, he'll blow it.

Board Member 1: I've never heard of half of these guys and the ones I do know are way past their prime. Charlie Donovan: Most of these guys never had a prime. Board Member 2: This guy here is dead. Rachel Phelps: Cross him off then.

Harry Doyle: That's all one goddamn hit. Assistant: You can't say goddamn on the air. Harry Doyle: Ahh, don't worry, nobody is listening anyway.

Harry Doyle: Remember, fans, Tuesday is Die Hard Night. Free admission for anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won the pennant.