Harry Doyle: The post-game show is brought to you by...
[searches through his papers] Aw, I can't find it. The hell
with it!
[Rookie pitcher Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn is about to throw
the final pitch for the Indians in the playoff game] Lou
Brown: Forget about the curve ball Ricky, give him the heater.
Harry Doyle: Heywood leads the league in most offensive
categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes,
he looks like a party favor.
Jake Taylor: I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and
if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've
said you were from the Yankees!
[The Indians are on a plane during a thunderstorm.] Hayes:
Vaughn, get the stewardess. I need one of those bags. Vaughn:
There aren't any stewardesses. Hayes: Oh! I wonder if they
are any pilots.
[To Ricky, while he's listening to "Wild Thing" on the jukebox.]
Lady: Wild thing, you make my heart sing.
Heywood: How's your wife and my kids?
Harry Doyle: In case you haven't noticed, and judging by
the attendance you haven't, the Indians have managed to
win a few ball games, and are threatening to climb out of
the cellar.
Jake Taylor: I'm with the Indians Woman at Party: Here,
in Cleveland? I didn't know we still had a team! Jake Taylor:
Yeah, we've got uniforms and everything. It's really great.
[After sliding into home plate in a tux.] Willie Mays Hayes:
The American Express Card. Don't steal home without it.
Jake: That's my wife... Willie Mays Hays: Does she know
that? Jake: Well, she would've been if I hadn't screwed
it up... and what's she doing with that guy? Vaughn: Want
me to drag him out of here, kick the shit out of him?
Willie Mays Hayes: I'm Willie Mays Hayes. I hit like Mays,
and I run like Hayes. Lou Brown: Well, you may run like
Mays, but you hit like shit.
Charlie Donovan: Vaughn's been looking good out there today.
Rachel Phelps: Don't worry, he'll blow it.
Board Member 1: I've never heard of half of these guys and
the ones I do know are way past their prime. Charlie Donovan:
Most of these guys never had a prime. Board Member 2: This
guy here is dead. Rachel Phelps: Cross him off then.
Harry Doyle: That's all one goddamn hit. Assistant: You
can't say goddamn on the air. Harry Doyle: Ahh, don't worry,
nobody is listening anyway.
Harry Doyle: Remember, fans, Tuesday is Die Hard Night.
Free admission for anyone who was actually alive the last
time the Indians won the pennant.
