Lisa: You think I'm hostile now? Wait 'til you see me tonight.
Vinny Gambini: What are you wearing? Mona Lisa Vito: What?
Vinny Gambini: You look like a fuckin' tourist. Mona Lisa
Vito: What about you? Vinny Gambini: I fit in better than
you. At least I'm wearing cowboy boots. Mona Lisa Vito:
Oh yeah, you blend.
[Vinny, still half-asleep, gives his opening statement to
the jury.] Vinny: Everything that guy says is bullshit.
Vinny Gambini: You're in Ala-fuckin-bama. You killed a good
old boy. There is no way this isn't going to trial.
Vinny Gambini: I'm here to collect. J.T.: How 'bout I just
kick your ass. Vinny Gambini: Oh a counter offer. That's
what we lawyers, I'm a lawyer... we call that a counter
offer. This is a tough decision you give me here. Get my
ass kicked or collect two hundred dollars. I could use a
good ass-kickin', I'll be perfectly honest with you... no
I think I'll just go with the two hundred. J.T.: Over my
dead body. Vinny Gambini: You like to renegotiate as you
go along. Well here's my counter offer... do I have to kill
you? What if I were just to kick the ever loving shit out
of you? J.T.: In your dreams. Vinny Gambini: Oh no no...
in reality. If I kick the shit out of you, do I get the
money?
Lisa: Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing around. You
get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little
deer lips down to the clear water - BAM! A fuckin' bullet
rips off part of your head! Your brains are lying on the
ground in little bloody pieces. Now I ask you, do you give
a fuck what kind of pants the son-of-a-bitch who shot you
was wearing?!
Judge Chamberlain Haller: The next words out of your mouth
better be guilty or not guilty. I don't want to hear commentary,
argument, or opinion. If I hear anything other than guilty
or not guilty, you'll be in contempt. I don't even want
to hear you clear your throat. Now how do your clients plead?
Vincent "Vinny" La Guardia Gambini the First: I think I
get the point. Judge Chamberlain Haller: No, I don't think
you do.
