Evelle: Awfully fine cereal flakes ya got, Mrs. McDonough.
Gale: Well, H.I., looks like you've been up to the devil's
business.
Policeman: Do you have any disgruntled employees? Nathan
Arizona Sr.: Hell, they're all disgruntled. I aint running
no damn daisy farm.
Dot: Now you take that diaper off your head and you put
it back on your sister!
Gale: So many social engagements, so little time.
Ed: This ain't family life! H.I: Well... it sure ain't "Ozzie
and Harriet."
Leonard Smalls: You want to find an outlaw, hire an outlaw.
You want to find a Dunkin' Donuts, call a cop.
H.I.: Biology and other peoples' opinions conspired to keep
us childless.
H.I.: There's right and there's right and never the t'wain
shall meet.
Evelle: Ummm, junior just had an accident. Gale: What do
you mean? He looks okay. Evelle: He just went and had himself
a little ol' reststop. Gale: [sniffs a couple of times]
Well that's natural.
Evelle: H.I., you're young and you got your health, what
you want with a job?
H.I.: Sometimes it's a hard world for small things.
Nathan Arizona: Dammit, are you boys gonna chase down your
leads or are you gonna sit drinkin' coffee in the one house
in the state where I know my boy ain't at?
Ed McDonnough: You mean you busted out of jail. Evelle:
We released ourselves on our own recognizance. Gale: What
Evelle means to say is, we felt that the institution no
longer had anything to offer us.
Leonard Smalls: Name's Smalls. Leonard Smalls. My friends
call me Lenny...only I ain't got no friends.
H.I.: I'll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash ya
got.
[To store clerk he's robbing] H.I.: And make it quick, I'm
in dutch with the wife.
Nathan Arizona, Sr.: You got a table and chairs, you gotta
dinette set. You gotta table and no chairs, you got dick.
H.I.: And this here's the TV. Two hours a day, either educational
or football, so you don't ruin your appreciation of the
finer things.
H.I.: I tried to stand up and fly straight, but it wasn't
easy with that son' bitch Reagan in the White House.
FBI Man: Was the boy wearing any jammies? Nathan Arizona
Sr.: Of course he was wearing his jammies nobody sleeps
naked in this house. FBI Man: Well could you describe the
jammies? Nathan Arizona Sr.: I don't what is damn jammies
looked like...they had Yodas and shit on them.
Edwina: Gimme that baby, you wart-hog from hell!
Prison Counsellor: Why do you say you feel "trapped" in
a man's body. "Trapped" Convict: Well, sometimes I get them
menstrual cramps real hard.
H.I. McDonough: Edwina's insides were a rocky place where
my seed could find no purchase.
Gale: Anyone found bipedal in five wears his ass for a hat!
[Evelle picks up a pack of balloons.] Evelle: Do these blow
into funny shapes and all? Grocer: Well, no, unless round
is funny.
Gale: You understand, H.I.? If this works out, it's just
the beginning of a spree to cover the entire southwest proper.
And we keep going until we can retire. Or we get caught.
Evelle: Either way, we're fixed for life.
Old man in the bank: Now, what's it gonna be young feller?
You want I should freeze or get down on the ground? 'Cause
if'n I freeze, I can't rightly drop. And if'n I drop, I'm
gonna be in motion.
H.I. McDonough: We figured there was too much happiness
here for just the two of us, so we figured the next logical
step was to have us a critter.
Ear-Bending Cellmate: When there was no meat, we ate fowl.
When there was no fowl, we ate crawdads. When there was
no crawdads to be found, we ate sand.
[Leonard Smalls is trying to extort money from Nathan Arizona
Sr.] Nathan Arizona Sr.: Well, this is nothing but a goddamn
shakedown and a screwjob, any way you look at it!
Gale: Why ain't you breast-feeding? You appear to be capable.
Ed McDonnough: Mind your own bid'ness. Evelle: Ma'am, you
don't breast-feed him, he'll hate you for it later. That's
why we wound up in prison. Gale: Anyway, that's what Doc
Schwartz tells us.
H.I. McDonnough: What are you talkin' about, Glen? Glen:
What am I talkin' about? I'm talkin' about sex boy, what
the hell you talkin' about? I'm talkin' about l'amour! I'm
talkin' that me and Dot are swingers, as in "to swing."
I'm talkin' about wife swappin'. I'm talkin' about what
they call nowadays open marriage. I'm talk... H.I. McDonnough:
[Knocks Glen to the ground with a punch] Keep your goddamn
hands off my wife!
