Richard "Stick" Montgomery: Isn't love great, Chris? One minute you're a god, the next minute you're a scum-suckin' pig.
[Reading the police profile on Maria McGuire.] Bill Reimers: And, the moment we've all been waiting for... 313 pounds. Chris Lecce: 313 pounds?! Bill Reimers: I would imagine that's fully clothed. Chris Lecce: Oh my God, she could be the house! I hate this job!
[After watching the svelte Maria McGuire undress] Bill Reimers: To protect and to serve. Chris Lecce: Ooo, I love my job, I love it so much! Bill Reimers: But I would appreciate it if you would not act like a walking hard-on while we're on the job. Chris Lecce: Succinctly put.