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There's Something About Mary (1998)

[Spying on Mary.] Pat Healy: Husband... negative. Children and a Labrador... negative. Tight little package... affirmative.

[After Mary addresses Ted by name.] Ted Stroehmann: I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name.

[After Mary asks Ted to the prom.] Ted: [narrating] From that point on, the guys looked at me in a completely different light. Ted's friend: You're a fucking liar!

Dom!: Have you ever had a whitehead on your eyeball, Mary?

Mary's Step-Father: Boy, don't make me open up a can of whoop-ass!

Ted: What about Brett Fav... ruh?

[Pretending to like retarded kids.] Pat Healy: Those goofy bastards are about the best thing I've got going.

Ted: Do you think maybe you wanna maybe, I don't know, go out to dinner, you know, catch up on old times? Mary: Didn't we just do that? Ted: Oh, uh... Mary: I'm fucking with you, Ted!

Dom: Here you've been in therapy, you know, thinking you blew it with the greatest girl ever, and really it turns out that getting your dick stuck in your zipper was the best thing that ever happened to you.

[Pointing to large dog in back seat.] Pat Healy: Does he bite? Sully: A little bit. Get in.

Pat Healy: What, you think yer shit don't stink? Ted Stroehmann: No, I don't think, I mean, yes it does, no I don't...

Mary Jensen Matthews: You've been to Nepal? Pat Healy: Not in months, I don't know why I bought the damn place.

Magda: The last time I had a pap smear, the guy needed leather gloves and an oyster shucker.

Ted: I think I still want to look her up. Pat Healy: Who, rollerpig? Are you nuts? Ted: You said she was a real sparkplug. Pat Healy: No, I said buttplug. She's heinous.

Ted: Japan? What's she doing in Japan? Pat Healy: Well, you've heard of mail-order brides? Well, they go that way too. Ted: What, are they desperate? She's a whale! Pat Healy: You can't forget, it's a sumo culture, Ted. They pay by the pound over there. Sorta like, um, tuna.

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