Valentine McKee: Good morning, Mr. Bassett. This is your wake up call. Please move your ass.
[On the creatures] Earl Bassett: I'm betting on outer space. No way these are local boys.
Earl Bassett: No way those things can outrun these horses! Valentine McKee: Yeah, well, for all you know, they can fly.
Valentine McKee: I can't believe we said no to free beer!
Valentine McKee: Roger that Burt, and congratulations. Be advised, however, that there are two more, repeat, two more motherhumpers.
Earl: Is this a job for an intelligent man? Valentine: Well, show me one and I'll ask him.
Valentine McKee: You see, we plan ahead, that way we don't do anything right now.
Earl Bass: Damn it Valentine, you never plan ahead, you never take the long view, I mean here it is Monday and I'm already thinking of Wednesday... It is Monday right?
[Earl Bass and Valentine McKee are about to meet Rhonda LeBeck. Valentine McKee pictures her] Valentine McKee: You will have long blonde hair, big green eyes, world class breasts, ass that won't quit and legs that go all the way up.
[Earl Bass and Valentine McKee have just been chased by a 30 foot long monster] Rhonda LeBeck: Did you notice anything weird a minute ago?
Valentine McKee: This valley is just one long smorgasbord.
Earl Bass: Damn it, listen to me. I'm older and wiser. Valentine McKee: Yeah, well you're half right.
[Burt Gummer looks at the monster fought off with his "toys"] Burt Gummer: Guess you broke into the wrong God damn rec room, didn't ya!
[Burt Gummer looks at his bomb shelter for perhaps the last time] Burt Gummer: Food for five years, a thousand gallons of gas, air filtration, water filtration, Geiger counter. Bomb shelter! Underground... God damn monsters.