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Wayne's World (1992)

Wayne Campbell: Hey, where'd you learn to speak English? Cassandra: College... and the Police Academy movies.

Cassandra: Yeah, and if a frog had wings it wouldn't bump its ass when it hopped. Wayne Campbell: Interesting.

Benjamin Kane: So Garth, what do you think so far? Garth Algar: It's like a new pair of underwear. At first it's constrictive, but after a while it becomes a part of you.

Wayne Campbell: Or imagine being whisked away to... Delaware. "Hi, I'm in Delaware."

Garth: Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick.

Garth: "Who's trying to kill you, Mr. Donut-head Man?" "I don't know, but he better not."

Wayne Campbell: Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries!

Wayne Campbell: All I have to say about that is "asphinctersayswhat". Arcade owner: What? Wayne Campbell: Exactly.

[Garth fears throwing up if he talks to his dream girl.] Wayne Campbell: I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. If you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.

Wayne Campbell: But the worst part of all is, I never learned to read! Cassandra: Is that true? Wayne Campbell: All except the reading part.

Wayne Campbell: I mean, Led Zeppelin didn't write tunes that every one liked. They left that to the Bee Gees.

Tiny: Wanye! How you doin'? Wayne Campbell: Hey Tiny, who's playing today? Tiny: Jolly Green Giants and the Shitty Beatles. Wayne Campbell: Shitty Beatles? Are they any good? Tiny: They suck! Wayne Campbell: Then it's not just a clever name

Garth: Did you ever see that Twilight Zone where the guy signed a contract and they cut out his tongue and put it in a jar and it wouldn't die, it just grew and pulsated and gave birth to baby tongues? Pretty cool huh?

Stacy: Happy anniversary, Wayne. Wayne Campbell: Stacy, we broke up 2 months ago! Stacy: Well, that doesn't mean we can't still go out, does it? Wayne Campbell: Well it does actually, that's what breaking up is.

Wayne Campbell: I mean, there are two Darren Stevens, right? Dick York and Dick Sargeant. Yeah, right, as if we wouldn't notice! Oh hold on: Dick York, Dick Sergeant, Sergeant York... Wow, thats weird!

[Admiring a guitar in a music store.] Wayne Campbell: It will be mine. Oh yes. It will be mine.

Garth: Ribbed for her pleasure. Ewww!

Garth: Hey Phil, if you're gonna spew, spew into this.

Wayne Campbell: I once thought I had mono for an entire year, It turned out I was just really bored.

Garth Algar: That is a babe! She makes me feel kinda funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym-class.

[Talking about Claudia Schiffer] Wayne Campbell: She's a babe. Garth Algar: She's magically babelicious. Wayne Campbell: She tested very high on the stroke-ability scale.

[Instead of saying "Excuse me, I beg your pardon?" (also in _Wayne's World 2_ (qv))] Wayne Campbell: Exsqueeze me? Baking powder?

Benjamin: Do you have a lawyer? Wayne Campbell: Yes! Ahm, no. We're between lawyers right now. You see, our first lawyer screwed our affairs so bad. Garth Algar: That's right. I walked right to that office - that's what I did - and I reached across that desk and I grabbed him by his fat head and I said "Listen, man! I'm not going to jail for YOU or for anybody!".

Terry: Wayne! Wayne! Garth told me about the show, man. I love you man. Wayne Campbell: Yea, and I love you too, Terry. Terry: No no no, I mean it man. I LOVE you! Wayne Campbell: No, I-I mean it. I love you. Terry: No you don't, man. I love you. Wayne Campbell: [being hugged by Terry] Garth! Hey, come over here, I think Terry has something he wants to say to you. Terry: I love you, man. Garth Algar: Thank you!

Russel: It will be Terry's job to give the actors their hand cue. Wayne Campbell: Excuse me, Russel, but I believe I requested the hand job...

Benjamin Oliver: So Garth, how do you like being in a studio? Garth Algar: Ahm, it's like a new pair of underwear, you know... At first it's constrictive, but after a while it becomes a part of you.

[Suggesting ordering Chinese food] Wayne Campbell: I like the cream of "sum yung gai."

Mikita's Manager, Glen: You know, if you stab a man in the dead of winter, steam will rise up from the wounds. Indians believed it was his soul escaping from his body.

[See _Terminator 2: Judgment Day_ (qv)] [Wayne Campbell is stopped by a traffic cop] Wayne Campbell: Yes, officer, is there a problem? T-1000: Have you seen this boy?

Wayne Campbell: Ah yes, it's a lot like "Star Trek: The Next Generation". In many ways it's superior but will never be as recognized as the original.

Wayne, Garth: [to Alice Cooper] We're not worthy! We're not worthy!

Wayne Campbell: I know I don't have his looks. I know I don't have his money. I know I don't have his connections, his knowledge of fine wines. I know sometimes when I eat I get this clicking sound in my jaw...

[After seeing Cassandra for the first time] Wayne Campbell: She will be mine. Oh yes -- she will be mine.

Garth Algar: Let me tell you something about women, Wayne. They want you to come get them, they like it.

Stacy: Aren't you gonna open your gift? Wayne Campbell: If it's a severed head I'll be really upset.

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